Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
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