Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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