The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
