i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
