Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
