Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
