we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm gonna fight the coyote
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
