my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
