he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
