She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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