Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
