I faked an abortion last night.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
