Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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