then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize