My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
