Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
