Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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