And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
