Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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