Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Verdict: uncircumcised.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
