I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
