I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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