My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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