Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
