Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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