1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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