dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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