i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
