Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
