meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
