I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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