he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
