How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
