Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
