finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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