I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
