I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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