OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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