he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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