i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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