He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
