there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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