I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
