capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
