I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
