Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
i think im in europe. pls send help
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