Define "chronic" masturbator.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
