I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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