I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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