Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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