I'm drive I can fine osifer
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
