Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
