By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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