No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
