If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
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