Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
