I got chris browned last night
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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