you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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