so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
