Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
