My balls are so social today.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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