I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
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