True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
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I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
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Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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