he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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