His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
