we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
