I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
