I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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