her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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