yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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