i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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