I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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