dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
