Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
