He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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