are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
