Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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