its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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