I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
