Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
