did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
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She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
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If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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