the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
how do you play pong handcuffed?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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