And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
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Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
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I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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