but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize
